Hey kids, it’s June! That means it’s time for blushing brides and lavish outdoor receptions set amid swarms of cicadas. Here’s some appropriate music.

Pastel Vespa “White Wedding” (Billy Idol)
Who knew that a Billy Idol song could be so cool and sophisticated?

Detholz “Celebration” (Kool And The Gang)
Detholz is a local band that does an all-covers show every Halloween that they call the Jukebox of the Dead. Eventually they made an album out of it. Ya-hoo.

Brave Combo “The Hokey Pokey” (Traditional)
This almost makes me want to do the Hokey Pokey. Almost.

Blue Man Group “Chicken Dance” (Werner Thomas)
Aren’t you glad you dropped some ecstasy before you went to the reception?

Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson “I Got You Babe” (Sonny and Cher)
This one boggles the mind. There’s the pop-culture aspect (I was crushed when I found out about the divorce! They were so perfect for each other! So in love! So telegenic!). Not to mention the jaw-dropping tone-deafness of both of these “entertainers” (please don’t call them singers). I think they’re actually singing in different keys.

While I was poking around for songs for this post I found a version of this song by David Bowie and Marianne Faithfull, which sounds like a fantastic idea until you actually listen to it. The it sounds just like Sonny and Cher if Cher was smoking three packs of cigarettes a day.