As I was preparing next week’s post I wrote about how bad the lyrics are in one of the songs. That got me thinking about clumsy songwriting. Here are some of the songs whose lyrics really annoy me.

Alanis Morrissette “My Humps” (Black Eyed Peas)
“You love my lady lumps.” That’s so poetic. Alanis does a great job of deconstructing this bit of nonsense into a poignant piano ballad. The video for this one is hysterical.

Anita Baker “My Favorite Things” (From The Sound of Music)
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Brown paper packages tied up with string are nobody’s favorite thing. Then there’s the part about when you’re bitten by a dog you should just think of your favorite things and everything will be cool. I’m sorry but when a dog bites me I think about whether it’s up to date with its rabies vaccination.

Tiny Tim and Brave Combo “Stairway To Heaven” (Led Zeppelin)
The record label gave lots of cocaine to lots of disk jockeys. That’s the only way this incoherent lyrical trainwreck ever got on the radio. Tiny Tim really swings hard on this song.

The Loud Family “A Horse With No Name” (America)
Was this song actually written in English? “The heat was hot.” They aren’t that sharp on the Weather Channel. And of course there’s this evocative description of the desert: “there were plants and birds and rocks and things.” He could be talking about Nebraska.

Goober and the Peas “MacArthur Park” (Richard Harris)
Pure gibberish. Why did someone leave the cake out in the rain? What cake is he talking about? And why won’t he have the recipe again? I just love this version for the way the singer enunciates “a stripe-ed pair of pants.”