MLB Commissioner Bud Selig

The Philadelphia Phillies were scheduled to play a three-game series in Toronto during the G20 summit June 25-27. Last Wednesday Major League Baseball’s Supreme Ruler For Life, Bud Selig, declared that the series would be moved due to security concerns. Because those evil Canadian anarchists would just love a chance to disrupt a baseball game, something they could never do any other day during six-month-long MLB season. I’m guessing that they didn’t schedule the G20 summit a month before the event, so why the Dear Leader had to make this decision a month before the series was supposed to happen is beyond me. And because Uncle Bud can’t just make a simple stupid decision without compounding it he also decided that the games would be played in Philadelphia, thus giving them three extra home games for the season. That’s a big deal because the Phillies are a terrifying force of nature in their home ballpark.

At any rate Bud’s stupid, unfair response to an imaginary threat is definitely something I had to commemorate in a Cover Freak post.

Jason and the Scorchers “Take Me Home Country Roads” (John Denver)
The game will be played in Philadelphia but the Blue Jays will get to bat last and they’ll use the designated hitter like they would if they were playing in Toronto. They might even make the Phillies wear their road uniforms. So I guess Bud thinks that makes it a home game for the Blue Jays, in spite of the fact that the Phillies get to play in their home park. I’m sure that if the game really needed to be moved they could have found a neutral ballpark to use. Like maybe one of the ballparks in New York. But that would be the sensible thing to do, and Bud doesn’t do sensible.

Junior Walker and the All Stars “These Eyes” (The Guess Who)
I know that the Guess Who were from Winnipeg, but they’re still Canadian. And they are every bit as much of a threat to the Blue Jays-Phillies series as the G20 protesters.

Homesick Elephant “Danger Zone” (Kenny Loggins)
I don’t know why Bud thinks that Toronto qualifies as a Danger Zone. I don’t know of any threats that have been made against the Blue Jays and I don’t think it’s very likely that any of the international gasbags assembling for the meeting would want to take in a ballgame.

Pastel Vespa “Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick” (Ian Dury and the Blockheads)
The Phillies as a team hit extremely well. And they hit particularly well in their home ballpark. They mercilessly beat their opponents until they cry like little girls. And yes, they do that beating with their rhythm sticks.

Giant Drag “Wicked Game” (Chris Isaak)
Baseball is a mellow, family-friendly kind of game. It’s only when the people running the game make decisions like the one Bud made that it seems a wicked game. At least it does to the fans in Toronto.