It’s been cold in my neck of the woods. So what, you say. There’s a lot of that going around in January. The problem is that it warmed up and rained before the cold snap, leaving everything outside coated with ice. It’s made mundane chores like walking the dog into exciting, pulse-pounding adventures. And it has reminded me of these songs.

Big Daddy “Ice Ice Baby” (Vanilla Ice)
Vanilla Ice would have been much better off if he had decided to be a Chuck Berry-style rock and roll singer.

Trotsky Icepick “The Light Pours Out Of Me” (Magazine)
The wacky folks of Trotsky Icepick originally planned for each of their records to have the same name while the band name changed on each album. A very dadaist way to make it hard for people to find your music and sabotage your own career. Kinda like how the first three Peter Gabriel solo albums were all called Peter Gabriel. Eventually their record label forced them to settle on a band name and to give their records separate names after the first two albums confused everybody.

Van Halen “Ice Cream Man” (John Brim)
I’ve long believed that this is the only worthwhile song Van Halen ever recorded. Probably because they didn’t write it. Dave Lee Roth’s hairy-chested made-for-MTV sleaze suits the song’s double entendres and the guitar work is about as restrained as you’ll ever hear from Eddie Van Halen.

Nina Gordon “Straight Outta Compton” (NWA)
It cracks me up to hear a sweet folky chick croon about how crazy Ice Cube is. Don’t mess with her though, her AK-47 is a tool. Warning: not safe for work.

Sebadoh “Cold As Ice” (Foreigner)
This is one of those songs that was all over the radio when I was in high school. I pretty much ignored it. I never thought much of Foreigner, although I did like the artwork on their first album. I still find it hard to believe that Ian McDonald was a founding member of both King Crimson and Foreigner. Anyway, this slowed-down acoustic version sounds way more soulful than the original.