I grew up in the far northwest corner of Chicago, a couple of blocks from the city limits. Just across the border was (and still is) a suburb called Niles. It’s a weird little village with no downtown. The closest thing they’ve got is a gargantuan shopping mall. Beyond that it’s ranch houses and the occasional strip mall. They’re also famous for having the same mayor for forty-odd years. He finally lost his job when it came to light that he’d been shaking down local businesses for decades.

When I was growing up there was another outdoor shopping center in Niles called Lawrencewood. It was always kind of a low-rent place, the anchor store was a Goldblatt’s for cryin’ out loud. When Goldblatt’s went out of business things really started going down hill. The other businesses moved or went belly-up themselves and the shopping center owners stopped doing any kind of repairs or maintenance on the place. It was like that TV show where they show you what cities would look like if humans suddenly ceased to exist. I think the owners were either using Lawrencewood as a tax dodge or for money laundering.

Eventually the only business left was a biker bar with a 4 a.m. liquor license. Large, rowdy people would get hammered and then wander out of the bar to urinate in the fresh air and smash the occasional plate glass window on one of the storefronts. The shopping center had speakers in the public areas and for some reason they didn’t fall apart with everything else. So every holiday season they would pipe Christmas music out 24/7. I used to like going there in the wee small hours of the morning, especially when it was snowing, to wander around the wreckage and listen to the bikers argue drunkenly while Bing Crosby and Andy Williams crooned about chestnuts roasting on an open fire.

As you might guess, that experience has forever warped my relationship with Christmas music. I’ve tried to post songs this week that are as normal as possible, but there’s only so much I’m capable of doing.

The Blues Magoos “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” (Eddie Cantor)
This bit of garage rock fun comes from an EP that I think was done for the Blues Magoos’ fan club. Given what I imagine the size of the Blues Magoos Fan Club to be, this is probably a pretty rare song.

Paul Di’Anno “White Christmas” (Bing Crosby)
I’ve got this CD called Metal Christmas, and it’s exactly what you’d expect. There’s one twist though. Everybody on the record used to be kinda famous. Like Paul Di’Anno here. He used to be the singer for Iron Maiden before some ego-driven snit fit caused him to quit the band. They replaced him and became a huge international sensation. And Paul Di’Anno? Well, he did record a song for the Metal Christmas album.

John Dissed “Christmas With The Devil” (Spinal Tap)
Speaking of heavy metal, here’s the definitive metal Christmas song performed as a contemplative acoustic tune. This is from the sublime Spinal Tap tribute album put together by Brian Ibbott over at Coverville.

Weezer “We Wish You A Merry Christmas” (Traditional)
They want their figgy pudding, dammit!

Charles Angle “Let It Snow” (Vaughn Monroe)
It may shock you to learn that I have friends who collect unusual music. One of the greatest weirdo music hounds I know is my friend John. He likes to scour resale shops for records that were only sold by the performers in the restaurants and cocktail lounges at which they played.

And one of John’s most amazing finds is this track from an album of Wurlitzer organ lounge music by the incomparable Charles Angle. He gets the words wrong, loses his place, and has sickening pauses where you wonder if he’s going to get back on track or just say the hell with it and quit. Something about it brings me back to those magic nights in the decaying shopping center.

Merry Christmas everybody!