Well folks, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and so the fancy of young and old alike turns to love. At least love as it’s defined by the Hallmark/DeBeers/Fannie Mae mafia. I think it’s more important to express your love for your significant other in words and actions every day, as opposed to just buying flowers once a year because you feel like you’re supposed to. That’s what I try to do with Mrs. Freak, and sometimes I do a better job of it than others. Like today.

Longtime readers are no doubt well aware that my yearly Valentine’s Day posts always contain the song “He Hit Me (And It Felt Like A Kiss)”. I posted it the first time because it was so wildly inappropriate. I soon discovered that Mrs. Freak despises that song and so I kept posting it every year just to be obnoxious. But this year I’m giving it a rest in the hopes that  the delightful Mrs. Freak will view this week’s songs as a more pure and true expression of my love for her.

Mic Conway and Robbie Long “The Masochism Tango” (Tom Lehrer)
Love sometimes hurts, and sometimes people like it that way. This isn’t a serious examination of the dark side of kink, but rather a bit of satire from the guy who brought us “Poisoning Pigeons In The Park.”

Dave Navarro “Venus In Furs” (The Velvet Underground)
This song takes its title from the book of the same name by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, the guy who gave masochism its name. Knowing that you would probably expect lyrics like “kiss the boots of shiny leather.”

Pat MacDonald “Master and Servant” (Depeche Mode)
And if you’re not into leather and pain you can express your love through dominance and submission. I really can’t understand how this song became a radio staple in the mid 80s. I’ve always liked the line about how domination is the name of the game in bed or in life, but only one of them is fulfilling.

David & Roselyn “Lady Marmalade” (LaBelle)
I originally wanted to do a whole post about bondage and domination but I had problems finding five good songs on the topic. So here we have an ode to an unforgettable night with a New Orleans prostitute. I would guess that Valentine’s Day is a hooker’s busiest day of the year as desperate men seek sex instead of love. Or maybe hookers take the day off. I really don’t know.

Vorsprung durch Technik “In Every Dream Home A Heartache” (Roxy Music)
While this song is certainly about an inflatable sex doll it’s also a commentary on consumer society. Really. When I was doing college radio I liked to play this as part of a larger musical tribute to vinyl playmates. If I could have found covers of Frank Zappa’s “Ms. Pinky” and Root Boy Slim’s “Inflatable Doll” I would have posted them this week.

The singer here is probably a little too much in love with his doll. The line “I blew up your body but you blew my mind” has always slayed me.