Masturbation has been much on my mind lately. No wait, that didn’t come out right. I’ve been thinking about masturbation a lot lately. No, that’s not what I meant either. Oh hell, there’s just no way to gracefully introduce this subject.

I bought Freakette the entire Monty Python DVD set. One of the many hilarious skits on those disks was the Summarize Proust Competition. The most notable thing about that sketch is that the BBC censored it. One of the game show contestants was asked what his hobbies were and he responded with “strangling animals, golf, and masturbating.” That last word was deleted from the broadcast, although you can see Graham Chapman’s lips move.

That bit of history is mentioned in the DVD extras. The DVD set also included a TV special in which the Pythons were interviewed and there was a long discussion about the controversy and the universal nature of masturbation. I of course was watching this with Freakette and thought that I’d have to have The Discussion with her about self-pleasure, but she just let it slide. Much to my relief.

But then when the Nouvelle Vague cover below popped up on my iPod, this week’s theme was sealed.

Nouvelle Vague “Dancing With Myself” (Billy Idol)
I’ve always thought that this song wouldn’t have been so popular if more people realized what it was about. But then again, it was pretty obvious what Billy’s “love vibration” was. I love pretty much anything Nouvelle Vague do, but this swinging tune is one of my favorites.

Foo Fighters “Darling Nikki” (Prince)
Ah, the song that so horrified Tipper Gore that she decided that she needed the government’s help to save her kids from Prince. Seems almost quaint given the lyrical content of rap music, doesn’t it? The Foo Fighters showcase some very crunchy guitars on this one.

Scala Choir “I Touch Myself” (The Divinyls)
There’s an admirable lack of subtlety here. It’s as if the Divinyls decided to write a song about masturbation and it never occurred to them to use metaphors. The choral treatment is just fantastic.

One Fine Day “She Bop” (Cyndi Lauper)
It’s really a pity that “danger zone” never caught on as a metaphor for the female genitalia. It would have made “Highway To The Danger Zone” a much more interesting song. One Fine Day turns the New Wave classic into a driving rock song with great success.

Marina Celeste “Orgasm Addict” (The Buzzcocks)
The original was all twitchy and in your face, which is why I find this languid bossa nova version so amusing.