Last week was a very tough one at work, long stressful hours. By the end of the week I was tired and strung out. In a word, I was toast.

The Toasters “Secret Agent Man” (Johnny Rivers)
If you’re gonna have toast the first thing you need is a toaster. Back in the day a toaster was an inexpensive lump of chrome that would last the better part of your lifetime. These days it seems that there are two types of toasters available. You’ve got your incredibly cheap toasters that self-destruct in a matter of months and you’ve got your expensive toasters that approach the Platonic ideal of toasters past. After churning through a series of cheap toasters I finally broke down and bought a good one. But it still bothers me to pay $35 for a damn toaster.

13 Nightmares “Everything I Own” (Bread)
Once your toaster is accounted for you’ll need bread. I sometimes have a problem with buying bread that’s too wide to fit into my overpriced toaster, you’d think that there would be some sort of standard for the size of a loaf of bread that the bakers could share with the small appliance manufacturers.

Herb Albert and the Tijuana Brass “Popcorn” (Hot Butter)
Unless you’re Elwood Blues there are few things in life more awful than dry toast. One can make the argument that toast is really just a butter delivery system, but I would argue that the butter is a necessary part of the whole toast experience.

Tom Jones “Black Betty” (Ram Jam)
Jelly, jam, preserves. Which you prefer on your toast says volumes about what kind of person you are. Without going into the psychological implications of my choice I will admit to a preference for jam. I find that jam has a more pleasing consistency than jelly, which I find unsatisfyingly thin, and is easier to spread than preserves.

The Hassles “A Taste Of Honey” (Bobby Scott)
Some people will not be drawn into the preserved fruit debate and will instead put honey on their toast. That doesn’t make you a bad person, in fact I do it myself when we run out of jam.