Songwriting is hard. Let me rephrase that. Writing a good song is hard, writing a bad song is amazingly easy and quite a popular pastime. I thought of that after hearing “Windmills Of Your Mind” for the first time in a long time. So let’s once again put the heads of lyrical offenders on sticks as a warning to others.

Vanilla Fudge “Windmills Of Your Mind” (Noel Harrison)
Can you believe that this piece of crap won the Oscar for best original song in 1968? Granted it was competing against “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang,” but that’s no excuse. “The world is like an apple whirling silently in space?” The most evil thing about this song is that it gets stuck in your head and makes you think you’re schizophrenic. The spacey gibberish of the lyrics actually works pretty well with the Fudge treatment.

Gruppo Sportivo “Horse With No Name” (America)
This song might have worse lyrics than “Windmills,” if that’s possible. Yes, you can describe the desert by saying “there were plants and birds and rocks and things.” But you can also describe the Amazon rainforest, the Rocky Mountains, and my back yard the same way. And when is the heat ever not hot?

Gruppo Sportivo was a wacky Dutch art-rock band that I discovered when I was a college radio DJ. They always seemed to me like a Euro version of the Tubes. And that’s a good thing.

Bunny Rugs and the Upsetters “I Am I Said” (Neil Diamond)
This song comes up in any discussion of bad lyrics, mainly due to the poetry of “I am, I said/ To no one there/ And no one heard at all/ Not even the chair.” There are other words that rhyme with “there” and most of them would have made more sense if Mr. Diamond had put just a little effort into it. “So I combed my hair.” “I was mauled by a bear.” Try it as a party game the next time you get together with friends.

Pastel Vespa “Ironic” (Alanis Morrissette)
Dictionary.com has this to say:

The words ironic, irony, and ironically are sometimes used of events and circumstances that might better be described as simply “coincidental” or “improbable,” in that they suggest no particular lessons about human vanity or folly

The firefighter who lived next door to me had his house burn down. He was on duty at the time. That’s ironic because he made his living protecting other people’s homes from fire but couldn’t protect his own. Rain on your wedding day is not ironic, it’s coincidental. Get the difference, Alanis?

13 Nightmares “Everything I Own” (Bread)
The singer says that he would give up everything he owns, including his life, to get his woman back. Here’s the thing: if you give up your life to get somebody back you’ll be dead. And your ex-girlfriend probably isn’t into necrophilia.

When I started Cover Freak I was posting songs from my vast personal archives. I was afraid that I would get cease-and-desist orders from record labels and be forced to shut down before long. Little did I know that not only would I never get a nasty-gram from a record label lawyer (knock on wood), but I would have artists, publicists, and even record labels sending me songs to post. The experience has been both gratifying and unexpected, and most of the songs have been very good. Here’s a sample of stuff that I’ve been sent recently.

BTW, if you’re a publicist and I ask you for either an mp3 or a CD so I can rip my own mp3 there are two things you can do: send me the material that I requested or leave me alone. Either response is acceptable. The publicist for an older performer trying to resurrect his career with a covers album seems to find this concept elusive.

Judson Claiborne “Ring The Bells” (James)
I’m very happy to post this song. Judson Claiborne is a Chicago musician, his publicist works for Touch And Go Records, and he plays a freaking ukulele! It’s like some evil scientist in a lab somewhere engineered the song I couldn’t refuse to post. And it’s a great, charming tune as well.

Dusty Wright “Mercedes Benz” (Janis Joplin)
Last month I posted the GIANTfingers version of “Baby’s On Fire.” Then one of the guys from the band sent me this nice roots-rock song from his solo album. It feels like a complete song as opposed to the original, which sounded like a tossed-off joke. Check out his web site, there’s some interesting stuff there.

The Polka Floyd Show “See Emily Play” (Pink Floyd)
This band’s publicist sent me a cryptic email asking me if I wanted to hear some unique Pink Floyd covers. I replied in the affirmative and then the mailman brought me the Polka Floyd CD. I’m not sure what I was expecting but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t that.

elodieO “Home” (The Cure)
elodiO sings stylish Euro-synth songs, mostly in French. Too bad she chose to sing this song in English. If she sang it in French it would be the sexiest Cure song ever, hands down. It’s still pretty sexy though.

George Kahn “Sunshine Of Your Love” (Cream)
It’s sad that Eric Clapton has become so lame over the last twenty years or so. This cool jazz tune from George Kahn reminds me of what a vital musician he was before drugs and fame took their toll.

Anders Holst “All About Soul” (Billy Joel)
I’m honestly not big on the whole “smooth jazz” thing. I pretty much prefer any other kind of music. And the description of this guy by his publicist as “the Sting of Stockholm” ain’t exactly a ringing endorsement in my book. Nevertheless I have to admit that Anders Holst makes this Billy Joel song his own, which is what Cover Freak is all about.

By now everybody knows that Isaac Hayes dropped dead while jogging on his treadmill at home last week. Not quite how I expected Black Moses to check out.

Stax Records never would have been half as great without his contributions as a songwriter, arranger, and musician. Of course a whole new generation of fans has come to know him as the beloved Chef from South Park, always ready with a completely inappropriate song for the children. So let’s celebrate the career of one of the true giants of soul music.

Isaac Hayes “The Look Of Love” (Dusty Springfield)
This might just be the ultimate Isaac Hayes song. It starts with a long, wah-wah drenched instrumental passage before his soothing voice comes in almost halfway through. It’s just perfect.

Isaac Hayes and Dionne Warwick “Feelings” (Morris Albert)
I’ve always thought that this was one of the cheesiest, sappiest songs ever to emerge from the world of adult contemporary radio. But Mr. Hayes and Ms. Warwick turn it into a very moving song.

Isaac Hayes “Ain’t No Sunshine” (Bill Withers)
At eleven minutes, this is easily the longest song I’ve ever posted. It’s a live workout that features a long introductory rap from Mr. Hayes.

Solomon Burke “Hold On I’m Comin'” (Sam And Dave)
Isaac Hayes wrote many of Sam and Dave’s big hits. Solomon Burke almost makes this one sound like something Chef would have recorded. All that’s missing is the wah-wah guitar.

Sammy Davis Jr. “Theme From Shaft” (Isaac Hayes)
How can a black man sing an Isaac Hayes song and sound so completely, hopelessly white? What did Frank Sinatra do to this poor man out in the desert?

Van McCoy “Theme From Shaft/Lara’s Theme” (Isaac Hayes/Dr. Zhivago soundtrack)
Thanks to Uncle Flakey for cluing me in to this exciting disco medley.

Kiwi Sue reminded me several months ago that Saturday is Madonna’s 50th birthday. Even though she can’t sing or act her way out of a paper bag I can understand her appeal during her prime. She was mighty hot, even in those Playboy pictures with the hairy armpits. Now she’s dried up and scary looking and I don’t know what Alex Rodriguez sees in her, unless he’s got a thing for over-the-hill gay icons. In which case his to-do list probably also includes Bette Midler and Cher. And Richard Simmons.

Texas Lightning “Like A Virgin” (Madonna)
This song sounds very nice as a heartfelt country song. It’s sort of touching.

Petty Booka “Material Girl” (Madonna)
I never miss an excuse to post a song from my favorite Tokyo bluegrass honeys. The phonetic singing, the ukuleles– they just slay me.

Jack Johnson and G. Love “Holiday/Who Do You Love” (Madonna/Bo Diddley)
This one starts out as an earnest acoustic song, devolves into freestyle rap and ends up with Bo Diddley’s swagger. It sounds horribly ill-advised when you describe it, but it works much better when you listen to it.

Switchblade Symphony “Lucky Star” (Madonna)
This song really brings out the obsessive stalker aspect of the lyrics. It’s shimmery and unsettling at the same time.

Rufio “Like A Prayer” (Madonna)
Madonna’s video for this song featured her shocking the bourgeoisie by having stigmata. That somehow makes a punk cover of the song seem appropriate to me.

People in other countries have been known to complain about American cultural imperialism. But those same people can fight back by co-opting American music and making it their own. Like these folks did.

Bugotak “Maadai-Kara (Mission Impossible)” (Lalo Schifrin)
Like I’ve always said, you can’t have enough Tuvan throat singing. I have no idea what they’re singing since as far as I know this song doesn’t have any lyrics.

Seu Jorge “Suffragette City” (David Bowie)
My wife and I may be the only two people in America who liked The Life Aquatic as a movie as well as a soundtrack.

Tarika “Malalako (Be My Baby)” (The Ronettes)
Tarika is a band from Madagascar who first found a large American audience on the Land Out Of Time album that Henry Kaiser and David Lindley recorded there. This very cosmopolitan song includes verses sung in English, French, and Malgasy.

Cat Empire “Hotel California” (The Eagles)
I first posted this song when Cover Freak was two months old and nobody was reading it. I’m posting it again to give Cat Empire some much-deserved exposure to a wider audience. And to make the French love me.

Kazik Staszewski “W glebokim dole (Way Down in the Hole)” (Tom Waits)
Readers with premium cable might recognize this song as the theme to the HBO series The Wire. This version comes from an album of Tom Waits covers that Mr. Staszewski released in 2003. Special thanks to Yaroslav for letting me know this album exists and to Uncle Flakey for helping me get my hands on the whole album.