We Love You, Cleveland

For some reason arena rock bands are required at some point in the show to speak the name of the city in which they’re playing. It doesn’t mean anything except that they know what city they happen to be in that night. Of course it can backfire when the band is in Pittsburgh and the singer says “We love you, Cleveland!”

When I was in college I went to see Yes play in Kansas City. I only went because I got a free ticket, free barbecue and free beer. The show was a dreary by-the-numbers affair that was obviously the same every night. At one point for no reason at all the singer spoke the words “Kansas City” and the crowd obligingly cheered. The show distilled for me the artistic bankruptcy of corporate arena-rock.

I would be more impressed if the band members would talk about the local sports team, or local politics, or some local institution. But that would require effort beyond somebody whispering in your ear what city you’re in. At any rate here are some songs that are about particular cities, more or less.

The Buys Boys “Detroit Rock City” (Kiss)
This song was written about a real-life Kiss fan who got drunk and killed himself in a car crash on his way to a Kiss show. Exactly the kind of thing you’d expect a jackass like Paul Stanley to write a stirring rock anthem about. The Buys Boys deliver a hilarious Euro-trash take on it, all cheesy synthesizers and bouncy bass lines.

Everclear “Night Train To Memphis” (Roy Acuff)
It’s hard-rocking and joyous, bringing Roy Acuff into the modern era.

Maxine Weldon “Lodi” (Creedence Clearwater Revival)
I don’t like listening to people who are more fortunate than I am complain about how hard their lives are. The song “Taxman,” where a millionaire bitches about paying his taxes comes to mind. I also don’t like most songs about how hard life on the road is for touring musicians. I truly despise Bob Seger’s “Turn The Page.” But I’ve always had some affection for “Lodi” because it’s a sad song about a dream gone wrong. And I really like Maxine Weldon’s swinging horn-fueled arrangement.

No Empathy “The Night Chicago Died” (Paperlace)
Everybody from Chicago knows that this song was written by somebody who never lived here. The song states that the events it describes took place on the “East Side of the city.” There is no East Side of Chicago. There’s a North Side, a South Side, and a West Side. But the eastern border of the city is Lake Michigan, and the eastern side of the city is known as the Lakefront.

Beyond that small annoyance is the bigger problem of a song about gangsters. For a long time if you traveled overseas and told people you were from Chicago they would point their fingers like a gun and talk about Al Capone. Then Michael Jordan came along and foreigners always wanted to talk about him. Now that Jordan’s retired it seems that Al Capone is once again what the world thinks about when they think of Chicago. We’ll have to work on that.

The Michigan Amazin’ Blue “Englishman In New York” (Sting)
It’s not often that you can look at a single song in a musician’s career and say with conviction that that’s where he jumped the shark. This is one of those songs. It marked Sting’s transition from reggae-lite pop musician to purveyor of horrible lite-jazz pablum. After listening to this could anybody have been surprised when he came out with an album of lute music?

This song does work well as an a capella piece though.

8 thoughts on “We Love You, Cleveland

  1. Kevin Killion

    Pat Paulsen was a comedian who was a regular on the old Smothers Brothers TV program. At the height of his popularity, he was on a campus tour and he came to Loyola, sponsored by our college radio station so I got to meet him. At one point mingling with a bunch of students before the show, he pulled out a paper and asked for help completing the blanks. It was things like, “give me the name of a town around here where nobody would ever want to visit”, and “name a local greasy spoon” and “what’s the name of your dean”. He collected the answers and he worked those into the punchlines of his act.

  2. Steve McI

    I loved Pat Paulsen. I always regretted that I was too young to vote for him when he ran for President.

    When I was in college in MIssouri Al Franken and Tom Davis did a show on campus. I knew the guy from the Student Events Committee who escorted them around before the show and they did the same thing, asking him for the name of a nearby redneck town, among other things. During their show they had a bit with a redneck character from the town my buddy named.

  3. PHil.

    The only band I ever saw that really changed up the show for whatever town they were in was Barenaked Ladies, and they always came across as if they were just improvising the whole show as they went along. Made it worth seeing them several times on the same tour, since the show would be different every time and always pretty awesome. And they’ve done a few pretty nifty covers themselves :)

  4. otter

    Next time have some fun with foreigners & tell them you once saw Jordan take Capone down in a pick-up game on the east side of town. BTW I always hated that song for the very facts you mentioned.

    If you ever travel to NC be sure to catch Dave Wall’s show ‘Frank on Friday’. Unfortunately it’s the only show on WNCW (88.7) that’s not web-streamable so you’ve got to be physically in listening area to experience. & Oh what fun it is! Here’s the link anyhow…http://www.wncw.org/DaveWall.html

  5. Cletus

    I went to the Al Franken/Tom Davis show! I remember they barely got there because of a snowstorm. That’s what I remember anyway, correct or not. The only joke I can recall was a testimonial PSA bit, warning everyone not to drink and drive …. but if you MUST drive drunk, drive a bigass American car made in Detroit.

    I went to a Yes show in 1977, 5 days later went to the emergency room where they diagnosed the cause of my mind-splitting headaches as spinal meningitis. The incubation period for spinal meningitis is 5 days, and a high number of people in St. Louis also came down with it. I’m jis sayin’… I had a nice pleasant 10 day hospital stay, which included penicillin shots every two hours. Remember the old slapstick in movies, where someone getting a penicillin shot in their ass always came up screaming? That’s because it feels like acid in your veins. So every since ’77, I’ve hated Yes. I think I made a good choice.

  6. Cletus

    “Beyond that small annoyance is the bigger problem of a song about gangsters.”

    You should see what it’s like telling anyone you’re Italian.

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