You may have missed the news about Chinese scientists manufacturing gelatin by splicing human genes into yeast. As I read the story I couldn’t help but think about Charlton Heston (“Soylent Green is people!”) and Bill Cosby (“There’s always room for Jell-O!”). Which got me thinking about the food we eat and how it’s manufactured. Which got me thinking about the appropriate soundtrack for such a discussion.

George Clinton “The Banana Boat Song” (Harry Belafonte)
George Clinton really brings the funk to the calypso warhorse.

David Lindley & Hani Naser “The Meatman” (Jerry Lee Lewis)
I’ve seen David Lindley play this song live several times. One time he told the story that he was driving cross country with his daughter. They stopped at a truck stop and she found a cassette with this charming song on it and immediately thought her dad would like it.

It’s an amazingly crass and dirty song. The line about still having the feathers in his teeth slays me. I love how Mr. Lindley takes away the Killer’s boogie-woogie and replaces it with something vaguely threatening.

The Bobs “Strawberry Fields Forever” (The Beatles)
Supermarkets have ruined all the tomatoes and they’re well on their way to doing the same thing to the strawberries. I’ve had this conversation more than once with a friend of mine who is a high-ranking produce manager for a major grocery chain. They’ve insisted that farmers grow produce that is large, good-looking, and has a long shelf life. Taste is not a primary consideration or even a secondary one. The tomatoes taste like the strawberries which taste like wallpaper paste.

I’ve tried to fight back by growing my own strawberries but they always get eaten by ants. I’ve moved on to mangoes until they ruin those too.

Sleepy LaBeef “Rollin’ In My Sweet Baby’s Arms” (Buck Owens)
The whole idea behind this cannibal jello is that you get uniform quality and there’s no risk of spreading mad cow disease. The thing is, mad cow disease has become a problem because feed producers have taken to grinding up dead cows so they can be fed to other cows. So beyond the obvious yuck factor, I can foresee big problems if these yeast colonies get contaminated.

Split Lip Rayfield “How Many Biscuits Can You Eat?” (Traditional)
I love my wife and I love my baby, I love my biscuits sopped in gravy. Truer words were never spoken.