It’s a new year. And with the new year comes the latest internet-enabled apocalyptic hysteria. This time around the world’s going to end because the Mayan calendar runs out in December. While the Mayans had an advanced civilization and were astronomers of great renown, I just don’t know why anybody thinks they had any inside info on when the world is going to end. I mean, if they were so smart wouldn’t they have kicked the Spaniards’ asses?

Anyway, in case this really is our last collective trip around the Sun, here’s some appropriate music to get it all started.

Link Wray “Begin The Beguine” (comp. Cole Porter)
If it really is the end let’s begin with this twangy romantic instrumental from the immortal Link Wray.

I was fortunate enough to see Mr. Wray perform a couple of weeks before he died. His son brought out his guitar and hung it around his neck. And then he was off, playing like he was twenty years old. His wife was playing percussion and they spent the whole show flirting with each other. It was quite a memorable evening.

New Found Glory “Never Ending Story” (Limahl and Beth Anderson)
There are alternative explanations about why the Mayan calendar ends in 2012. My favorite is that the end of the calendar only represents the end of a cycle, not the end of the world. In other words, this year will be the end of one chapter and the start of another in the Never Ending Story of our little blue planet.

I hadn’t listened to the original version of this song for quite some time before I started putting together this post. I had forgotten what a piece of crap it is. New Found Glory does a real great job with some terrible source material on this one.

OV7 “Calendario de Amor (Calendar Girl)” (Neil Sedaka)
And here we have a tribute to the Mayan calendar itself, or at least one of the virgins sacrificed on the dates it specified. This is such a cheesy song I thought that at least Me First and the Gimme Gimmes would have done a cover of it. They’ve covered every other song that’s ever been recorded after all. But everything out there sounded like Neil Sedaka, which to me is the very definition of pointless.

But just as I was beginning to despair I found this electronic Spanish dance version. I feel much better now.

Turisas “Those Were The Days” (Mary Hopkins)
If it really does start raining frogs or whatever the Mayans said happens when the world ends, people will no doubt become nostalgic. They’ll start looking back on their lives and hopefully liking what they see.

I dearly love this Cossack death-metal version of this song. It sounds like they’re looking back longingly on the days when they rode across the steppes trampling their enemies under their horses’ hooves.

Saint Eve “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It” (R.E.M.)
But this is a fun song, particularly this arrangement. Even if the world isn’t really ending. It’s slow enough that you can understand the lyrics but it still has a bouncy synthesized beat.